Living open in the open. Life beyond margins.
There is nothing more terryfing than the unknwown and nothing as surprising as the unexpected.
You may wake up one day just to realize that your whole life vanished, that your world dissolved in the unseen. During such a day you can feel and see clearly that having nothing and being nothing are very different things, and that being someone matters infinitely more than having something.
Such a day gives birth to a one of a kind challenge: how can I rise from the mids of nothingness?
There is nothing and noone to support you, nothing to hold on to, nothing left to hope for. Your life touched the kind of bottom line where you have to reinvent your own hopes in order to reinvent your life and selves. You find yourself at a very deep level of life, and because it is so deep, it is also very dark and scary.
At such level of depth, doubt is inevitable. What if that was it? What if I never raise again? What if I end up at nutter shelter? What if I turn into a monster?
Doubts are endless when you hit the ground of the underground.
Opening up feels like losing control in the beginnings. It comes with suspicions, paranoia, anxiety and numberless other feelings and emotions. Opening up to your unseen self, to the invisible side of things, to the world. Each piece of you that opens, makes you feel like running as far and as fast as you can.
Opening up provokes your deepest fears and it makes you feel vulnerable like nothing else does.
During this process of finding a way out of the temporary darkness, you realize that you are a piece of information. Information that can be sourced, offered or connected. It is never useless. When you realize that, you find out that nothingness does not exist, it is just the illusion between to be or not to be.
You feel very clearly that you are a part of a system and somehow you know that the only way out is to design for yourself a vision higher than yourself.
Before all these realisations, you were nothing else, but a piece of information from a variety of statistics, in many cases one worse than other. An overwhelming feeling which always seems impossible to conquer.
Having nothing else to focus on and live for, your main goal becomes defeating statistics. This is how I made things happen to me.
Here is where information comes in. I started to collect and create bits of precise information in order to generate dots to connect later and hooks to throw ahead. I recreated my entire life with the help of the internet as it was the only thing there was at that time of my life.
For a while it seemed like nothing. The dots I could create were close to invisible. Nothing seemed to happen for years or whatever I pushed to happen, I ended up in a wall. Though, I never stopped creating and connecting dots. I told to my self: if I create enough dots, at some point the untangible will show its face. It has to.
From one point I started to defeat statistics. One by one. There are more to overcome, but if I look back, it is a very long way behind me. The circumstances changed radically and I changed the same.
For me success became defeating statistics and beating the odds.
The existence of unknown individuals gathering together to build open tools, ways and markets offered me an open access to possibilities, to opportunities where all my dots could fall together, could make sense and where I can make sense of myself and of my purpose or part of it.
The greatest challenge was to walk on this virtual path without knowing or understanding where it leads, to turn my need for knowing and understanding into a need for learning, exploring and being as open as I could.
Living open in the open without being ripped or without losing your balance is another challenge, but you learn to handle it.
It was precise information available out there in the world that helped me to sharp my own precision from one trial to the other.
The bits of information I gave away and I could tune in made all the difference.
When you reach that inner level where your own information is written (maybe the DNA area of yourself), all your hesitations fade away. Even when you don’t know what you are doing, you know that by following your inner flow you do the right thing and that everything will fall together one way or another.
I reached that level by taking full responsability for whatever life offered me and for all the choices I’ve made that led me there. It torn me apart till self-dissolving. I didn’t run away, I didn’t ask for help, I didn’t fool myself. I just stayed there taking it and letting its lava to melt me except for one clear thought and intention: to try again as soon as I can.
Maybe this is faith, I don’t know. But I have seen many intelligent people fading away in its absence and that is such a waste.