As children, we have all been hurt

How good knows how to travel from one hand to another, from one continent to another, from soul to soul

I am reading these days “The God Who Won’t Let Go” book by Peter van Breemen. I call it a “traveling” book. It was gifted to me by a very special person in my life who received it many years ago from a wonderful Jesuit priest, such a human being who probably loved and helped more people than I can count. I was also happy to meet such a remarkable and kind person in this lifetime.

“Put simply, what counts is love.”

Among many other great and inspiring references, the author mentions about Jean Vanier’s book “Jesus, the Gift of Love” and one of his basic convictions is that we are all disabled, be it in our heads, be it in our hearts, be it in our eyes, or in the psyche.

I deeply resonate with his assertion and Peter van Breemen quoted him as he articulated the foundation of this conviction:

“As children, we have all been hurt.

Our first experience of pain

was on that day when, as a little child,

we sensed that we were not wanted by our


when they were angry with us

because we did not fit into their plan

or do what they wanted us to do.

We cried out and disturbed them

when they did not want to be disturbed

or we did something that annoyed them.

We were so little, so vulnerable then,

so in need of love and understanding.

We could not understand

that this breakage came from the fatigue,


inner pain, and wounds of our parents

who could not bear to hear our cry,

and that it was not “our” fault.

We had to escape, then, into dreams,

projects, and ideas.

When little children are hurt,

they close themselves up,

hiding behind unexpressed anger, revolt, and


sulking in depression,

or they escape into a world of dreams.

This breakage is like a dagger

entering a fragile heart,

craving for communion.

It causes horrible loneliness, anguish, inner


feelings of guilt and shame.

Children feel they have hurt their parents

and have disappointed them.

No child can understand or bear this inner


Children cannot judge or condemn their


whom they need so much

just to survive.

So they withhold and hide their anger

and blame themselves.

They know then that they are no good,


misfits that nobody wants.

Human beings learn to cut themselves off

from all this inner pain,

and thus from reality,

and especially from the reality of people

who cause or reawaken inner pain.

We are all so broken in love, and in our

capacity to relate.

We have difficulty understanding others

and wanting their growth and peace of heart.

We can quickly judge or condemn them.

We push them away,

frightened of them.

We hurt each other.

We seek to control or to use others,

or to run away and hide.

Since we were little children we have hidden

this pain

deep down within us,

in a forgotten world

with solid barriers around it.

It is in this forgotten world

of early pain, rejection, and confusion

that the thirst for love and communion

is wounded,

and then relationships become dangerous.

So we tend to live not in reality

but in dreams, in ideologies, and illusions,

in theories and projects,

things that bring success and acclaim.

The barriers around our hearts are deep and


protecting us from pain.

We live in the past

or in the future

or in a dream.”

(A post by Maria Cristina Mihalcea, my sister)

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