When another ‘no’ says ‘hello again’.
I am one of those people who were rejected by default in 90% of their endeavors. Maybe it was my ‘trouble maker’ potential, my personality, or… maybe I was just in the wrong place. I have an overwhelming collection of failures than of successes, of no vs yes. And even the Yes-s weren’t quite pure, they were hesitant, forced by circumstances or some sort of crisis, or a poor translation of ‘Let’s see!’.
I had to learn how to make rejection my friend. We live in a hyper competitive, crowded and automatic world where trying 1,000,000 times is not enough.
To make that 1,000,000 matter and powerful enough to unlock a success, one of the secrets is to try each time adding something new or different in the process. Something you noticed it’s needed or something closer, more faithful to your values and life vision. The second is always better, but also the harder pathway.
After trying my heart out, I ended up among the 10% of the players at some vital chapters of my life. I tried so hard that I also ended up winning competitions in areas where I considered (and I know I am) an amateur, a hobbyist. I didn’t care to win, but to see how I stand. Not to see how good I am, but to see how far I am from being really good. The process itself made me better and better with each trial.
There is a phase during this endless trying process where nothing seems to happen anymore, a flat zone when you think ‘That was it!’, ‘That’s the farthest I can go’.
When this phase happens, we are tempted to give up, and most of us give up. It is precisely this moment when you should not give up. You have to wait. You have to be patient.
[Another meaning of ‘patient’ is enduring. I love sub-meanings, many times they are much more relevant. Almost healthier. I don’t know for sure, because I am not a linguist, but I feel that back in the golden days, they were the main meanings, and maybe that is also why people were happier and warmer.]
You have to wait for your entire human nature system to realign. The process brought in a lot of information to process and your mind rewires itself. You are growing. During this rewiring phase, your brain is busy and you feel numb, from time to time you wake up suffering from the impostor syndrome or even depression. Just wait and do what you can, how you can, when you can.
After ‘waiting’ phases like these, you usually boom. Not only in the things you usually do, but also in new things, unfamiliar things. Your are expanding beyond and that is absolutely fascinating. A stand alone miracle.
The endurance is hard to overcome, as you constantly hit your limits, but it becomes easier if you keep yourself busy. It is vital to keep doing what you do. For the most passionate ones, it probably comes naturally as what they do is what helps them breathe better. For others, passion unlocks after doing it more or less mechanically enough times.
This piece (‘Hello rejection, my old friend’ by Holland Rae) reminds me of my endless rejections in all sorts of endeavors. His post led me to write this one. The beautiful side effects of the internet.
The worst rejections are the smiling ones looking like a ‘yes’ followed by silence and cut. The irritating ones are the automatic rejections using a template. And the best are the straightforward ones followed by positive criticism.
The good news is that after enough ‘Thank you, but no…thank you!’, you stop counting. After you stop counting, you stop carrying. And after you stop carrying, bang…it happens!
I guess, it’s the attachment that hurts the most when another ‘no’ says ‘hello again’.
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